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Writing SexJuly 26, 2008 at 12:26 pm | Category: blog
Thriller Writer Barry Eisler here… Sandra, thanks again for inviting me to be your guest. Ever since I was about fourteen and sending fictional accounts of Tantric sexual encounters to the Playboy Advisor and Penthouse Forum (Dear Penthouse, I always thought these stories were made up… until yesterday, when Ms. Lingua, my hot Spanish teacher, told me I’d misbehaved one time too many and made me stay after school to “learn a lesson.” Let me tell you what she taught me…), I’ve always enjoyed writing sex scenes. Today I’d like to talk about why. Ah, the subject is already fraught, isn’t it? If I told you why I like writing violence (and I do), it wouldn’t feel as though I was revealing anything terribly personal. I could talk about how stress reveals character, how there’s nothing more stressful than violence, and how violence is therefore a crucible in which character is both forged and revealed — how, in fact, violence, properly executed, can become a high-octane engine for story itself. And it would all be true, and hopefully interesting, too… but I could write it dryly, dispassionately, from a distance sufficient to maintain a cloak over the darker contours of the mind behind the words. Sex is different. Because anytime you admit (and even the choice of the word “admit” there is telling, isn’t it?) to liking a particular sex scene, you’re not just acknowledging that you like sex (what would that reveal? We all like sex), you’re revealing what *specifically* turns you on — and that’s hugely personal. Thought experiment. Which of the following would reveal something significant about the speaker? “Dude, the fight scenes in Gladiator got me so pumped I had to hit the weight pile afterward!” “Holy shit, those car chases in Ronin had me so adrenalized I had to use the cruise control to drive home safely from the theater!” “Man, that scene in Mulholland Drive with Naomi Watts kissing Laura Harring was so hot that as soon as I got home I had to… [fill in the blank in whatever way your imagination demands]!” (BTW, I like movie references because movies are more of a mass market, so there’s a better chance that a given movie will provide a common frame of reference). Unless you’re embarrassed about a latent sword or Audi fetish, I doubt you’d be uncomfortable praising the scenes from Gladiator and Ronin even to your grandmother. But Mulholland Drive… that would feel different. You’d intuitively understand that admitting (there’s that word again) you got turned on by a lesbian kiss revealed something personal. Which is why most writers outside romance are so reluctant to open the door and look under the covers. You can write torture scenes, axe murder scenes, scenes of wholesale slaughter and horror, and at least maintain what the government likes to call “plausible deniability” about your own attachment to these subjects. But write that hot spanking scene, and you feel (with some justification, I suspect) that now everyone knows what turns you on. (Of course, there are exceptions… Mel Gibson has written himself into so many torture scenes that you can’t help wondering whether there’s something going on there. But I digress…). But I like writing sex scenes. Sure, that spanking in Hard Rain (thought I was being hypothetical up there, did you?) might make people wonder, but it revealed something about Rain and created a bond between Rain and Naomi, the half-Brazilian, half-Japanese dancer who Rain learns is the key to a conspiracy that threatens Rain’s life, that worked as a plot pivot. Plus… yeah, yeah, I just enjoyed it. I mean, I got so worked up at my favorite cafe writing what some readers have mischaracterized as the “rape scene” in Killing Rain (and no, I won’t tell you the page number) that I had to call my wife to make sure she was home and to warn her she better be ready. What’s a shame about the widespread non-romance reluctance to write sex scenes is that sex is such a powerful tool for revealing character. There are three general ways to get to know someone’s character: time, stress, and sex. In a novel, you don’t have time, meaning you need an accelerant, and that leaves you with sex or stress. Violence is one of the most stressful experiences we humans can face, which is why violence can be such a powerful tool in stories. But sex is also enormously revealing, which is why the biblical euphemism that Abraham “knew” Sarah is so apt. Also, sex can be an incredibly powerful pivot. Sex changes everything. Remember when John Cusack and Ione Skye finally make love in Say Anything? Cusack then tries to pretend that it doesn’t matter that much, and Lili Taylor says to him something like, “Yes it does! It changes everything. Decades could go by without you seeing each other… and then, when you’re in your sixties, you might bump into each other, and you’ll say, ‘Hi, how are you?’ and she’ll say, ‘Fine, how are you?’, but what you’ll really be thinking is, ‘We had sex!’” Which is why I had such a blast creating the tension (and culmination) between Rain and Israeli agent Delilah in Rain Storm. Two paranoid professionals with opposing agendas… how would they make love? What would bring them to that moment? What would be going on inside them afterward? How would it change them, and how would those changes take the story in a new direction? So here are a few questions for you: do you like sex scenes? Why or why not? What works, what doesn’t? What are some of your favorite such scenes from movies — and why? |
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Barry 
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On July 26th, 2008 at 2:16 pm, Terri Molina said:
Great blog Barry (followed you from your MS bulletin).
As a romance writer ’sex’ sort of has to play a part in my work, but to be honest, I don’t particularly care to write them. Why? Because my scenes always sound so lame to me (but that’s just me…my readers seem to enjoy them…some of the, disturbingly so) haha.
Of course I don’t have a problem reading,/i> love scenes as long as they’re ‘tasteful’ (meaning, less with the descriptive body parts). I do mind watching them in a movie though, because (in most movies) the romance itself is taken out of the scene and more focus is on the hardbodies of the actors/actresses. There’s just no real passion that you can get (or that I can write) in a book.
For me, a love scene works (in a book) when it reveals a part of the character you haven’t seen yet or reveals something to the character about themself.
Do I worry if my readers (and family) are going to attribute my sex life in my stories to my real life? In the beginning…I thought about it (and cringed), but now….not so much.
On July 26th, 2008 at 2:46 pm, S.D. Grady said:
OK–I’m definitely biased as an erotica author
Sex is wonderful! But perhaps its most endearing quality is its honesty. You simply can’t hide anything in the heat of the moment. Thusly, when scripted correctly, sex scenes provide the reader the ultimate glimpse into the character’s true nature. One of my favorite sexy moments in cinema…well, two. Both are in the Thomas Crown Affair. The old version–my god, I never knew chess could be erotic! The new version, that scintillating sex on the staircase. What fun!
On July 26th, 2008 at 3:16 pm, Angela Steed said:
Well, Barry, you are all over the place lately. But as a romance novelist, I tend to like this blog the best…so far.
Sex scenes, for me, are the best part of writing romance. I don’t write erotica, so when I write a sex scene, it means something, not only to the story I’m writing, but the characters that are having the fun. They have to develop a relationship… lead up to doing the ultimate deed instead of jump in the sack, or in my book, the kitchen, right away. Sex too soon kills the story, but that’s my opinion.
My favorite sex scene…too difficult of a question to answer. There are a lot of good ones out there. But if I had to pick one in an action movie, it’d have to be from the movie Crank. Nothing like a little action in the middle of Chinatown. What an adrenaline rush!
On July 26th, 2008 at 3:29 pm, Sandy said:
Barry,
Of course, I like sex scenes. Who doesn’t like to get all hot and bothered. The only thing I don’t like about sex scenes is writing them.
Do you remember a movie, I believe it was titled Nikita, and a spy program with the same name. It had a hot sex scene. Michael (can’t remember his last name,)a Canadian actor, was in the television program and the scene where they showed him naked was hot.
Sandy
On July 26th, 2008 at 4:04 pm, nancy said:
I think the scene in”Ghost” when Demi Moore and Patrick Swayze are working with the pottery is one of the sexiest scenes and makes me wish I was Demi. The air sizzles with sex.
Also the shower scene in “Sex and the City” with the guy with the drop dead gorgeous body. I can’t remember his name, just his body. It is the reason I went to see the movie. My temperature went up and my heart almost stopped. It was simply erotic with a capital E.
On July 26th, 2008 at 4:38 pm, Author’s Studio /Holly Greenfield said:
What a terrific post, Barry! Sex scenes are that forbidden topic among so many writers. –Even romance writers. I don’t think the genre matters when it comes to the natural human reaction to sex in print.
What I think makes it easier, more acceptable in romance is that it’s romance. There is a growth of love between people who need each other more than they need the actual act of sex, but rather the knowledge that intimacy brings.
In a non-romance genre story – typically the sex scenes are a little more abrasive (i.e. the spanking); there is a raw honesty between the characters that in romance novels is a little more refined.
What do I like about sex scenes? The emotional build up before that point. The life altering decision the characters make to advance their relationship even when they struggle not to love, not to need each other. (Of course this is all romance novel related) And when it’s all over I love the new conflict brought to the relationship, just before the happily ever after. (Both in book and film)
I’m terrible w/coming with examples… sorry.
On July 26th, 2008 at 4:45 pm, Diana Castilleja said:
Great post Barry!
I have to admit, I love a sultry sexy scene as much as a hot and intense in your face kind of scene.
The “Ghost” example above is perfect! Sorry, I can’t remark on your suggestions. I’ve only seen Gladiators, I think. I’m bad about catching movies. But there’s sometthing intrinsic to sex scenes that most can relate to. I think that’s what makes them so good for discussion.
On July 26th, 2008 at 4:52 pm, Sandra said:
Barry,
Thank you so much for being my guest today. Fantastic post! And thought provoking too. You are so right about it being a powerful tool. Sex doesn’t always have to be about the physical side of things. In writing it really shouldn’t be. The moment between two characters can really tell the reader who those characters are deep down…and perhaps relate to them on a deeper level too.
Thanks for sharing with us!
Sandy
On July 26th, 2008 at 4:53 pm, John said:
There is an old psychological principle that goes, “What we say about others, says more about us than it says about the others.” This seems to be acutely so when the subject is sex!
Your comments got me thinking that if an author is going to write a sex scene, it must be done with the correct intent: to reveal character. So, I did a mental review of hundreds of books I’ve read and I distilled what I do and don’t like.
I don’t value perfunctory sex scenes. These include when the sex is an end-of-book shag to conclude a romantic subplot. Quite vanilla. Another example might be sex between characters that have sex on a regular basis. What can this reveal, unless perhaps it’s a villian having routing sex with underage girls? Vanilla sex. Ick! Some books to reveal something through vanilla sex, but it’s rare (Love in the Time of Cholera). Books ideally should be more interesting than everyday life, so let’s just read about the interesting sex : ) Also (Dennis Miller rant), why is it that authors who know to show rather than tell, forget this wisdom in sex scenes? What I do like are sex scenes where their is conflict. Conflict within, conflict between, conflict with time, etc. In first person there is also such an opportunity to have a character go too far, but not turn off the reader because the character can somewhat explain themselves. “I don’t know what came over me. She yelled “More! Harder!” In my primal state I didn’t even notice when she lost consciousness.
So in summary, it seems that most authors that get it wrong think, “I’m writing a sex scene.” The ones that get it right think “Here is what I hope to accomplish though this scene.” Barry never forgets this.
I don’t remember which book it was, but one of the few sex scenes Tom Clancy ever wrote was about this pudgy Japanese guy who was posing as a software salesman to get spyware placed on Chinese government computers. Even though he is no James Bond(age), and his target is no Bond girl, he gets the job done. The sex isn’t even particularly arousing, but the reader thinks “What if an amateur like myself had to seduce someone for my county?” What a way to attain identification. What away to include some levity. What away to write something that is . . . TRUE.
On July 26th, 2008 at 4:59 pm, Jill Sorenson said:
Ooh, my favorite topic. I like reading a good sex scene and I love writing one. Those are the scenes I look forward to the most and often the ones I imagine or fantasize about before I start a new project. In romance especially, the way the characters relate to each other in bed is so important. And so underappreciated!
I also agree that it can be uncomfortably revealing. Admitting that I liked a spanking scene, or writing one, is almost the same as admitting that I like to be spanked. Not something most people choose to share with others, outside of the bedroom.
On July 26th, 2008 at 5:16 pm, Leigh Royals said:
Barry, it is so nice to see you here. You’ve provoke my mind politically and now, with the verbotten. I have only written one sex scene. And its purpose in that manuscript was basically make-up scene, but there is still angst there because while they’ve physically made ammends, their psyche’s have’t let go of the argument. I will revisit the scene to make sure it moves the story forward. Also, like you, it was one that after writing I was, well, inspired.
Seeing scenes as I read them or watch a movie do affect me as to how well it keeps me in the movie. I did NOT like the scene in Monster’s Ball. That totally removed me from the scene. There’s another movie, the name of which I’ve forgotten, that has a raunchy scene between Angelina Jolie and Antonio Banderas. It was off putting, but it actually did stay within the movie.
I’m more of a subtle girl, like the hand on the glass in the cargo hold on Titanic. You know what’s happening. Seeing erotica when it’s appropriate is nice, but not always necessary.
Thank you Barry for stopping by.
On July 26th, 2008 at 5:16 pm, Kaige said:
Great post, Barry. (Sandy, you always get the best guests!)
I think there’s a real difference in the sex scenes I like and the ones I skim over… there’s much less skimming when the scene reveals something about their character rather than just going through the motions. It’s probably what makes them so difficult to write as well!
On July 26th, 2008 at 5:32 pm, Rob Graham said:
Considering I’m an erotica writer I do enjoy writing sex scenes. Pretty much have to wouldn’t I?
What works for me, both reading and writing, is the emotional reactions of the characters. The lust they feel, the love, maybe even the fear and angst, all add to the rich tapestry of the scene.
What doesn’t work is bland. If the writing is no more than a technical description of putting Tab A into Slot B I’ll put it down.
When asked about the sexiest scenes in movies I think first of Thief Of Hearts.
The hero was a thief and had stolen a woman’s personal journal. He used the private things in her journal to seduce her since he now knew just what buttons to push. So there was a great build up. The scene where they finally ‘got it on’ started on a pistol range. He used the emotions firing a pistol raised in her to break down her final defenses. Very erotic.
I also recall a soft core flick I watched a few years ago, Carnal Sins. It was about a repressed woman who fell in with a photographer who started pushing her limits.
At one point he bought her into a shoot where he was photographing another woman nude. He got the heroine into the shoot and that led to her first lesbian experience. That hit just the right spots in my psyche.
As you can tell I’m very fond of stories about women being led to new and exciting places. I write about it frequently.
On July 26th, 2008 at 5:33 pm, Jill Sorenson said:
Oh, and a great movie sex scene example: Viggo Mortensen and Maria Bello in A History of Violence. Emotional, character-revealing, and smoking hot.
On July 26th, 2008 at 6:52 pm, Pat said:
Sexy romance scenes in movies. Oh, Barry, where to start. I just know I’ll miss some of the best ones.
The Thomoas Crown Affair (Both mentioned)
Ghost (Mentioned)
The Man Who Loved Cat Dancing (Burt Reynolds & Sara Miles)
A Walk to Remember
The Notebook
Message in a Bottle (Kevin Kosner & ?? )
Captive Hearts (Harrison Ford & ?? )
Working Girl (Harrison Ford & Melanie Griffith)
Chasing Liberty ( Matthew Goode & Mandy Moore)
An Officer and a Gentlemen (Richard Gere & Debbie Winger)
Pretty Woman (Richard Gere & Julia Roberts)
Unfaithful (Richard Gere & Diane Lane, but it’s Lane affair with the Frenchman that has the hot scenes)
And books…No one can beat Nora Roberts trilogy plus one on the Quinn Brothers.
On July 26th, 2008 at 8:43 pm, Antonia Pearce said:
Excellent, thought-provoking post, Barry!
I think the “revealing” aspect of an author’s sex scenes may vary a bit. A few of us have been known to “fake it” for the sake of the story. Sometimes… LOL
I do like sex scenes in books, especially in the context of a romance. It just depends on the depth of the characterizations and the story as to how well I think it works.
Film is different. I prefer more subtlety on film. The kiss at the end of Bridget Jones’s Diary, for instance. The underlying intention and chemistry are very clear, plus we see a hint of a whole different side to the character of Mark Darcy. Very sexy.
On July 27th, 2008 at 1:19 am, Barry Eisler said:
Wow, great comments… thanks everyone for all the terrific thoughts and examples! You’ve named a few of my own favorites here (yeah, that scene in History of Violence was definitely hot). And also identified one of my favorite sexual dynamics: ambivalence, with overwhelming desire opposed by overwhelming reluctance. Good stuff and I hope to see more…
Barry
On July 27th, 2008 at 9:53 am, Paula said:
Hey Barry:
I think this is the first response I’ve ever made to one of your postings. Anyway, do I like sex scenes? Yes, I admit it. I love sex and love scenes, especially when it allows the characters to release personal and sexual tensions. As a reader, I get to participate vicariously. I love the way my body response and my breathing changes. That’s when I know I’m reading a really great scene.
I agree. Sex scenes work for me when it moves the story forward, or lets the reader know more about the character’s personality.
My favorites sex scenes are in one movie. In an early scene in A History of Violence, Tom Stall, played by my favorite hunk Viggo Mortensen and Edie Stall, played by Maria Bello, have the house to themselves. Edie changes into a cheerleading outfit and the couple starts to role play as two teenagers about to make love while her “parents” are sleeping just across the hall from the bedroom. Very playful, very sweet.
In the second scene, Edie realizes her husband is really Joey the mobster. After screaming and smacking Tom/Joey around, they wrestle on the stairs and have angry sex. Same couple under stress, a different kind of sex scene.
On July 27th, 2008 at 11:02 am, Cass said:
Thoughtful and honest post about one of my favorite subjects – SEX!
Since I write erotic romance, I’d better like reading as well as writing sex scenes.
Once, when I was enduring writer’s block, I sat and typed nothing but sex scenes as a way to break through the stagnation. In one weekend I wrote 14 sex scenes, drank nothing but ginseng and then chased my husband around the house until I could corner him and pounce. Poor guy. (He was hiding in the closet) LOL!
Oh, the fourteen sex scenes weren’t all for the same book, btw.
And the good news is hubby can walk again, he was only temporarily afflicted. ::wink::
As for movies, I still love the sex scene in Fatal Attraction, with Glenn Close half in the kitchen sink. Sure her character is crazy as bat shit, but OMG! That rush of passion, so hot, so fierce, and gotta have it NOW! Just love that. So hungry. Devouring each other, so greedy for it…ahhh…
Also, although I am not bi, that scene in Bound with Gina Gershon and Jennifer Tilly…OMG! So incredibly hot! Made me feel naughty and dirty in the nicest of ways. hee, hee…
If you haven’t seen Bound, you need to rent it on weekend. Very, very hot! Whew!
On July 27th, 2008 at 11:36 am, Shelli Stevens said:
You had me laughing through the whole post. Especially that Penthouse part. Great points!
Hmm. Sex scenes in movies. Well I blogged awhile back about the hottest sex scene in a movie, a I thought it as in Indecent Proposal at the beginning.
And yes…I lurve me a sex scene. You shut the door and I shut the book.
On July 27th, 2008 at 12:42 pm, Rachel S. said:
Hey Barry..
Caught this link thru myspace, and thought I would check it out. Great little question you posed! First thing, I am NOT an author, but I do love to read. I find a written sex scene to be very hot compared to a movie version. Though I do get bored if its a run of the mill romance version, i.e.. heaving breasts and mighty erections that can fill a canyon. haha! When reading, I usually like the build up before hand, and if the scene turns out like the old standard, I will skip the pages…
On July 29th, 2008 at 1:36 am, Victoria said:
Barry, Barry, now I have to call home and confirm that I won’t return to an empty flat after reading your post in a cafe!!
) I love your writing and I enjoy reading love scenes — and you made me wonder if I can write one, wow, you are a “motivational guest-blogger”! …the Penthouse part was sooo funny, I laughed out loud and then remembered I was in a cafe… people at the neighboring tables tried to look into my screen!… 
) …thank you for the fun and energetic post!!! 
)
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